tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27722299686886908802024-03-08T02:19:38.709-08:00The Legacies Of Trees - The Adopted ChildEvery human being deserves to know their true heritage.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-9009541755642120072013-02-28T09:08:00.001-08:002013-02-28T09:08:30.198-08:00What it is like to be adopted<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-3353747227822217082012-09-21T10:37:00.000-07:002012-09-21T10:37:04.840-07:00Born Alone<div class="inner" id="msg_299490">
I was born kicking and screaming into this world alone<br />My mother went on to marry and have children of her own<br /><br />They gave me away to strangers before they even met me<br />I never has a chance to know her before she walked away and left me.<br /><br />They said that I'd be better off with parents who were older<br />The pain would haunt us both our lives but this they never told her.<br /><br />I was only 3 days old when she kissed my head goodbye<br />They never let her see me they told her I'd be fine<br /><br />They told her I was already with a loving, caring family<br />But I was in a foster home where no one loved and held me<br /><br />I rocked back and forth to soothe myself and others banged their heads<br />We listened for our mothers voice and figured she was dead<br /><br />I screamed all day for my mother and only faced the wall<br />The doctors gave me shots of phenolbarbitol<br /><br />Many sad months passed until I met the one<br />Who would raise me as her own but the damage was already done<br /><br />My name had been removed and my vital records sealed<br />This did not change who I was or the hand that fate would deal<br /><br />I looked out my window and waited for the day<br />That I would turn 18 and look at my own face<br /><br />Adoption stole my family and gave me an empty shell<br />A false identity, isolation and for some a living hell</div>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-34133278478708303722012-05-11T15:40:00.004-07:002012-05-11T15:40:45.633-07:00My Two Moms by Christine M. Moran<span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>Thought about my Birth Mom today </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>But that is nothing new.<br />I thought about her yesterday </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>And will tomorrow too.<br />I think about my real Mom who loved me from the start. </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>Who took me in and raised me the best she could with all her heart.<br />My real Mom thinks about me and is proud of me each day. <br />My Birth Mom tries to forget the pain of giving me away.<br />What it means to be my mother is something she will never know.</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>It was my real Mom that took me in and gave me love so I could grow</strong></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New;"><strong>For my Mom....by Christine M. Moran </strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New;"><strong>Mothers Day 2010</strong></span>The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-69839740440390559412012-04-25T08:00:00.001-07:002012-04-27T10:54:59.501-07:00The Cons of Embryo Donation / Embryo AdoptionEmbryo Adoption (as it is rightly called) is a fertilized egg with no genetic match to either parent being born to people often who otherwise do not qualify for traditional adoption. This can be due to age, lack of funds ect. Even though the child will be born to the mother it will not look like either parent and be no different to a baby adopted at birth. <br />
<br />
The donor family is usually a husband and wife who froze eggs due to cost and saving the mother from another extraction. When they have conceived all of the children they wish to have, a surplus is left over. The new term for this is "snowflake baby". They feel they don't wish to donate them to science or otherwise destroy them so they are placed for adoption. Contact between the families can be open or closed. Laws are not in place yet to oversee this.<br />
<br />
The lack of knowledge of and definite relationship to one's
genealogy, “genealogical bewilderment”, and which can result
in the stunting of emotional development in adopted children and can lead them
to irrational rebellion against their adoptive parents and the world as a whole. Ignorance about their personal origin made
adolescence more of a strain for adopted children than other children and
genealogical bewilderment is a factor which frequently appears to be present in
adoption stress.<br />
<br />
Several other researchers found a predilection for
impulsive behavior and acting out, antisocial symptoms in adopted children at birth. Adopted children often go through a stage of feeling like an outsider. He may
fantasize about the person he would have been had he been raised by his "real " family. The child will think about his genetic parents everyday. This is true with knowing
the parents and without in open and closed adoptions. When the child is asked
who she looks like or how many brother or sisters he has. His cultural heritage may not be the same and his medical history will not match the parents.As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a
sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage. He
will not know who is supposed to be because he will not know his true origins if
the adoption is closed or semi open. Not knowing another biological relative
makes one feel like a misfit. The first relative most adoptees meet is their own
child. The birth of a child in an adoptees life always brings the
question..."how could I give this baby away"?<br />
<br />
How would a person feel to know that they were not needed by their original family? That somewhere there is a loving mom, dad and full blood siblings that get to grow up with them while the child is born to a world where he or she should be grateful they were not destroyed. Would the donor mother feel the same if she carried the child to term and gave him away or is it a disconnection from a group of cells in a freezer? What if the child is abused or not told they are adopted? What if the adoptive family does not honor the open agreement?<br />
<br />
The major issue here is cost. In most instances it is cheaper to create extra embryos and cheaper to adopt an embryo than a child. The Catholic Church is also debating this topic.In 2008, the Vatican released a major document on bioethics, “Dignitas Personae” (“The Dignity of a Person”), that reiterated the Catholic view that embryos should not be created in the lab and frozen, but added that embryo adoption is also not allowed. It is, the document said, “a situation of injustice which in fact cannot be resolved.” In the United States, Congress and the Bush administration gave $1 million to promote embryo adoption.<br />
<br />
Embryo donation is legally considered a property transfer and not an adoption by state laws. However, Georgia enacted a statute called the "Option of Adoption Act" in 2009 which provided a procedure for couples to become eligible for the federal Adoption Tax Credit. <br />
<br />
Embryo adoption is implanting cells which could not grow on their own. If not for artificial means would die on their own. They were intentionally created in a lab and can remain frozen indefinitely.<span class="fbod quote">"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights and are entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status." There will be no original birth certificate or hospital record should the donor recipient decide to not tell the person he or she is not adopted. If there is a flood, fire or unexpected death the identity of the adopted person's ancestors will be lost forever. Not telling people they are adopted is a bad practice. Less than 5 % of adoptions are closed. The sealing of birth records is a short lived, bad practice that caused unnecessary suffering.</span><br />
<br />
There is also a new way to choose the donor egg and donor sperm thus intentionally creating an orphan with no intention of ever being used for the genetic parents. If your personal or religious views support embryo donation as an alternative to destroying the embryo you must consider that creating a human being with no relation to either parent in a closed adoption who wouldn't exist otherwise is morally wrong and reprehensible. Enter the "designer baby" who is destined to be top of the class, excel in math, and have hair, eyes and other physical characteristics that fit his or her parents' wish list.The main objection to the procedure is that it opens the door to a world of unethical possibilities. A very slippery slope for future generations.<br />
<br />
Adopted children face loss in the most loving of homes. Our ancestors and family
history help give us a sense of belonging and define who we are. Adoption is a
life-long issue that deals with identity and the broken thread of family
continuity. Being adopted is not always a better life, but a different one. One must decide if embryo donation is adoption or it isn't. If the embryo is a person for abortion issues it must have the same rights for embryo donation issues. One must put their own wants and needs aside and consider the dignity of an adopted person even if he or she is only in the beginning stages of life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-43859438779781162142012-04-20T07:18:00.000-07:002012-04-20T07:21:55.157-07:00Living With The Loss by Christine Moran<span style="color: red;">The Loss is a predator that stalks his prey<br />His shadow has followed me every day</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">Each birthday when I turn a year older<br />The Loss gets bigger, darker and bolder</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">He sucks out the joy from every room<br />Laces each feeling with sadness and gloom</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">He crushes my happiness with loneliness and guilt<br />Smashes the walls from the pain I have built</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">He is there each holiday evening and noon<br />He changes the meaning of every tune</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">At what should be the happiest times of my life<br />His unwavering stare cuts through like a knife</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">The Loss has no intention of leaving<br />He will be there until the day I stop breathing<br />I tried to outrun him and live in denial<br />He hid from my view but was there all the while.</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">He waits in the darkness 'till all my friends leave <br />When I finally stopped running I was able to grieve </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">With more days behind me than are left ahead<br />I asked the Loss if he wanted me dead</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">You were given away through no fault of your own <br />But the sadness you bear is not yours alone<br />You never knew I stalk yet another</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">Still running away from being your mother<br />When you turned to face me and looked in my eyes<br />Your actions and words caught me by surprise<br />You did what your mother could never do.<br />You walked a long mile inside of her shoes<br />She couldn't acknowledge the hand you were dealt<br />Nor ever imagine the pain that you felt.<br />She never once bothered to look at the fact<br />The face in your mirror is hers staring back<br />You both know The Loss never really goes away<br />But she is too afraid to ask me to stay.<br /><br />Now The Loss and I walk hand in hand.<br />We stare at the stars all alone in the sand </span><br />
<span style="color: red;">There are still days of both sunshine and rain<br />But gone is the secrecy, stigma and shame<br />The Loss is my oldest and dearest of friends<br />One of few I can trust to be there at the end.</span>The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-1714618020535797382012-04-11T05:58:00.002-07:002012-04-11T05:58:44.754-07:00Trauma of Newborn Separations and Consequences of Closed AdoptionsTrauma of Newborn Separations and Consequences of Closed Adoptions <br />
<br />
Adoption was a social experiment in which babies born to unmarried mothers were taken at birth and given to strangers for adoption. It was claimed to be in the best interests of the child, who would be protected from the slur of illegitimacy and would have a better life in the adoptive family. Adoption enabled infertile married couples to have a family, and the State saved money on its welfare bill. <br />
Adoption legislation was first introduced in the 1920s, but adoption was slow to be accepted, due to the belief that immorality and other evil tendencies were passed on from mother to child. After World War II, however, when environment was seen as more important than heredity in the development of the child, adoption became more popular. It was believed that mothers would not bond with their babies if the babies were taken immediately after birth, and the mothers were prevented from seeing them, and that babies would bond successfully with their adoptive families if they were placed as soon as possible after birth. All ties with the natural mother were then severed, the child was issued with a new birth certificate which showed him as being born to the adoptive parents, and the records were sealed. <br />
Adoption was promoted as being in the best interests of the child. Mothers were expected to forget about their child and get on with their lives, get married and have children of their own. Adoption was seen as an instant cure for infertility. None of these beliefs was based on any scientific evidence. <br />
In 1952 a British psychiatrist, Wellisch, drew attention to a problem of adoption - the lack of knowledge of and definite relationship to one's genealogy, which he termed “genealogical bewilderment”, and which could result in the stunting of emotional development in adopted children and could lead them to irrational rebellion against their adoptive parents and the world as a whole, and eventually to delinquency. Ignorance about their personal origin made adolescence more of a strain for adopted children than other children and genealogical bewilderment is a factor which frequently appears to be present in adoption stress. <br />
Several other researchers found a predilection for impulsive behavior and acting out, antisocial symptoms in adopted children. (Simon & Senturia, 1966; Jackson, 1968) They were found to have serious adjustment problems in adolescence (McWhinnie, 1969), and all seemed to have a sense of abandonment by the birth parents irrespective of experiences. (Triseliotis, 1971) Triseliotis suggested that the wound could be healed in a loving adoptive family, but the scar always remains. <br />
<br />
:xplode:The child who does not grow up with his own biological parents, who does not even know them or any one of his own blood, is an individual who has lost the thread of family continuity. A deep identification with our forebears, as experienced originally in the mother-child relationship, gives us our most fundamental security. :xplode<br />
However it was not until 1991 that anyone writing about adoption gave any serious consideration to the traumatic effects of separating mother and child at birth. Nancy Verrier hypothesised that the severing of the connection between the child and biological mother causes a primal wound, which often manifests in a sense of loss (depression), basic mistrust (anxiety), emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with significant others. <br />
Studies conducted on animals, particularly other primates, indicate that there may be a biological basis for what Verrier calls the primal wound. Reite in 1978 demonstrated that when monkey infants were separated from their mothers they experienced decreases in body temperature and sleep pattern changes, even when the separated infants were immediately adopted by another adult female. Reite suggests that these physiological changes are not due to the physical absence of the mother, but are caused, at least in part, by the perception of loss of the mother on the part of the infant, i.e., the cause is essentially psychological. <br />
Separation of newborn babies from their mothers causes a high secretion of the stress hormone cortisol. (Bowlby 1980; Noble 1993) There is physiological evidence from studies of laboratory rats that the level of maternal care given to the infant influences its response to stress: the more care, the lower the levels of hormones like adrenaline in reaction to stressful circumstances. People who are highly reactive to stress are at greater risk for the development of depression, and drug and substance abuse problems, etc. Adopted people have a greater vulnerability to stress, and are also at greater risk for depression and drug and substance related abuse problems. <br />
Studies in primates show that if an infant is deprived of its mother soon after birth, the infant's brain does not develop normally. For example, the number and sensitivity of the infant's brain receptor sites for endorphins - the internal morphine-like chemicals that affect mood - are diminished." <br />
Birth<br />
Vicki M. Rummig, author of "Adoption: Trauma that Lasts a Life Time," reports that, "When the adoptee is separated from her birth mother, she undergoes extensive trauma. She will not remember this trauma, but it will stay in her subconscious as she lived it." How long the newborn will live with this trauma is unknown since a baby's memory cannot be quantified. "An event from a person's infancy can and will stay with them through life," says Nancy Verrier, author of "The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child." It's no coincidence, Rummig suggests, that many of these children grow up to be emotionally wounded. It should be noted that Rummig herself was adopted as a baby.<br />
<br />
Teens<br />
Adopted children often go through a stage of feeling like an outsider. He may fantasize about the person he would have been had she not been adopted. He'll come up with ideas of what his birth parents are like and may even produce a ghost-like image of what his life and family would have been like. Rummig describes the experience that he and other adoptees have as "feeling like my adoptive family is in a big circle but I am on the outside looking in.<br />
With the adoptee not having a role model who resembles her physically or psychologically, it is more difficult to define where her life shall lead. She may come from a biologically artistic family, but adopted into a scientific family. She may not only feel the need to follow in her adoptive family’s footsteps, attending similar colleges, choosing similar careers, but she did not have the artistic role model to show her that way of life. This further complicates the identity formation of the adoptee. “One’s identity begins with the genes and family history...” (Reitz & Watson, 1992, p. 134)<br />
Adoptees also lack the ability to see their physical characteristics as they will present themselves in the future. A natural born daughter would be able to tell how big she is going to be, if she will have a tendency to be overweight, or if she is going to go grey early in life, but the adoptee is denied this genetic role model and will not know these things until she reaches that stage in life herself. This adds to the curiosity of wanting to know their genetic background.<br />
Rachel says that families are a hall of mirrors, “Everyone but adoptees can look in and see themselves reflected. I didn’t know what it was like to be me. I felt like someone who looks into a mirror and sees no reflection. I felt lonely, not connected to anything, floating, like a ghost.” (Lifton, 1994, p. 68)<br />
The adoptee will feel even more dissociated when conversations regarding other family members or peers births are brought up. She is missing the story of her birth parents meeting, her conception, her birth, and in some instances, sometime after her birth. It is often commented that the adoptee feels placed on this earth, not born or that they are some type of space alien. Non-adoptees take their own life story for granted, but the adoptee is acutely aware that theirs is missing. So now, not only does the adoptee feel dissociated from her adoptive family, but also from her peers, for she is different.<br />
Adoptees are faced with a feeling of loss and grief that they are not allowed, by society, to actively mourn. “With adoption, the child experiences a loss (like divorce or death) of an unknown person, and doesn’t know why.” (Adopting Resources, 1995) She is aware that family members are lost to her, but is expected to not mourn the loss of this family member she has never known. She will often be chastised when asking questions of her birth family from her adoptive family.<br />
The consensus among researchers is that adoption affects development throughout life, with the fact of "being adopted," creating unique responses to significant life-events, e.g., the birth of a child<br />
In Western culture, the dominant conception of family revolves around a heterosexual couple with biological offspring. As a consequence, research indicates, disparaging views of adoptive families exist, along with doubts concerning the strength of their family bonds<br />
The most recent adoption attitudes survey completed by the Evan Donaldson Institute provides further evidence of this stigma. Nearly one-third of the surveyed population believed adoptees are less-well adjusted, more prone to medical issues, and predisposed to drug and alcohol problems. Additionally, 40-45% thought adoptees were more likely to have behavior problems and trouble at school. In contrast, the same study indicated adoptive parents were viewed favorably, with nearly 90% describing them as, "lucky, advantaged, and unselfish."<br />
Not all of these issues affect adoptees to the same extent. Some may spend a lifetime dwelling on it, others may not even appear to notice. This would be true of any group of people that lived through trauma, such as Vietnam War Veterans. It should be noted that adoptees are over represented in residential treatment centers.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-42416810500457331852012-04-11T05:55:00.000-07:002012-04-11T05:55:18.238-07:00Birth MotherSlur of illegitmacy,<br />
Is this some conspiracy ?<br />
Punished for no crime and severed from my past.<br />
In my first days of life they took me from you.<br />
Dry eyes carried me away and I didn't know why<br />
It was nothing new for them to see, just another little wanderer<br />
I remember your voice as I listen to the falling rain<br />
All I can think about is you, but you gave me away<br />
You didn't die, so I couldn't cry<br />
Instead I felt betrayed.<br />
Through all those complex years my heart was fillled with pain.<br />
Were you thinking of me too underneath the starry sky?<br />
Less and less every year as I faded from your mind.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-62941515509170014362012-04-11T05:52:00.003-07:002012-04-11T05:54:26.843-07:00Mine By BirthrightMy heritage is mine by birthright<br />
And no one can take that away<br />
Not a law-maker, a judge nor an agency<br />
At my birth, on my death or today.<br />
My legacy comes not just from my mother<br />
But from her father and his father before<br />
From my grandmother on my father's side <br />
Who never held me the day I was born.<br />
One person may have given me life <br />
But my ancestors gave me my name<br />
You cannot keep from me what is mine<br />
To hide a mistake and your shame.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-10143250091650715542012-04-11T05:49:00.000-07:002012-04-11T05:49:02.598-07:00Top 10 Things Adoptees Hate To Hear<div id="post_message_34191412">If you can't understand why these things are so awful..then you DON'T understand what it is like to be adopted. <br />
<br />
1. You are so lucky to be adopted/ I wish I was adopted<br />
2. You should be grateful for the life your Bmom gave you<br />
3. You were "given up" out of love, you had a better life<br />
4. You could have been aborted/left in a dumpster<br />
5. Why would you want to find her she gave you away<br />
6. Aren't you glad you didn't grow up with them<br />
7. I know (so and so) who is adopted and they are glad and never felt the need to search you should let sleeping dogs lie.<br />
8. You should be grateful for your real parents and searching will hurt them.<br />
9. It was meant to be ...get over it<br />
10. I don't even care about my family history why should you?</div><!-- / message --><!-- sig --> <br />
<div>__________________</div>The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-9995366081592817872012-04-11T05:46:00.000-07:002012-04-11T05:46:25.477-07:00Adoptee Commonality - 30 Things We Share<div id="post_message_34282122">Here are 30 things you may have in common with other adoptees. Add your own.<br />
<br />
<br />
You have a picture of you that doesn't look like you and you tell everyone it is your bro/sis.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/eyebrows.gif" title="Eyebrows" /> <br />
<br />
You leave your Facebook semi open in case your Bfamily is looking for you.<br />
<br />
You pick whatever cultural heritage (B or A) fits the situation when asked.<br />
<br />
You visit the doctor and have to write UNKNOWN on your medical history. <img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/sick.gif" title="Sick" /> <br />
<br />
You have to wonder if you are related to your new boy/girlfriend.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif" title="Stick Out Tongue" /> <br />
<br />
You have thought when looking in the mirror of which parts of you came from where....(including aliens)<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/yoda.gif" title="Yoda" /> <br />
<br />
You try really hard to remember your mother's face or voice, but can't.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/hypnodisk.gif" title="Hypno" /> <br />
<br />
You think you'd know your mother if you saw her but wonder if everyone woman that age is your mother.<br />
<br />
You are told how much your kids look like you but you don't know who YOU look like.<br />
<br />
You can't get a passport because the only birth certificate you're allowed to have is incomplete <img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/cop.gif" title="Cop" /> <br />
<br />
You know what AP, OBC, B, N, or F stand for.<br />
<br />
Just hearing the word 'adoption' makes your heart skip a beat (and not in a good way.)<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/wallmad.gif" title="Frustrated" /> <br />
<br />
People say, "oh, you're adopted! how cool!" <img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/propeller.gif" title="Propeller" /> <br />
<br />
You know more about people-finding Internet sites than the average private investigator.<br />
<br />
People ask you if you would have rather been an abortion.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/eek.gif" title="EEK!" /> <br />
<br />
You were born from your mothers heart instead because she couldn't have kids.<br />
<br />
You have no baby pictures prior to your adopted parents.<br />
<br />
The word "grateful" makes you cringe.<br />
<br />
You have a childhood fantasy where you're part of a large family where you all look alike.<br />
<br />
You are obviously not caucasian and tell everyone you are German, Irish , Polish ect.<br />
<br />
You have no clue who gave birth to you. <img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" title="Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)" /> <br />
<br />
You secretly wish on your birthday cake candles to be happy or to find your family someday.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/cake.gif" title="Cake" /> <br />
<br />
You can pretend you don't know your Aparents when out in public together.<br />
<br />
You have two birth certificates....a real one and a fake one.<br />
<br />
"Adopt a Highway" signs bothers you and you didn't realize how much until just now.<br />
<br />
You had trouble giving away stuffed animals to the GoodWill or throwing toys away.<br />
<br />
You're supposed to be interested in history class, but are not supposed to show interest in your own history.<br />
<br />
You see people's reaction once they hear your name.<br />
<br />
Your parents can't tell you how big you were at birth or what time of day your were born at.<br />
<br />
Strangers think nothing of saying you ought to be grateful you were 'taken in'.<br />
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Someone has to remind you who your REAL mother is.<img alt="" border="0" class="inlineimg" src="http://forums.adoption.com/images/smilies/laundry.gif" title="Laundry" /></div><!-- / message --><!-- sig -->The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-82825710189850249262012-03-19T09:48:00.003-07:002012-04-11T07:00:17.463-07:00The Legacies of Trees - All Book Sales Go To Charity<a href="http://bookstore.xlibris.com/Products/SKU-0102009017/The-Legacies-of-Trees-.aspx"><span style="color: #cc0000;">The Legacies of Trees - Christine Moran : Xlibris</span></a><br />
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Trees prevent erosion, produce oxygen and reduce carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Trees are loved for their aesthetic appeal and their wood is used to build and heat our homes. They were often regarded as sacred in ancient times and still play a role in many of the world's mythologies. Some trees are so ancient that only legend can record their true origins. The root system is the key to the tree's survival. This is also true for people. Adopted children face loss in the most loving of homes. Our ancestors and family history help give us a sense of belonging and define who we are. Adoption is a life-long issue that deals with identity and the broken thread of family continuity. Being adopted is not always a better life, but a different one.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-38997171521102000112011-09-22T20:03:00.000-07:002012-04-13T08:22:13.443-07:00Nature Vs Nuture<div class="cntsections">
During the twentieth century, child adoption was reimagined in scientific terms, as a social experiment and human laboratory that could produce knowledge as well as help children. Researchers were persuaded that adoption could answer basic scientific questions about development, nature and nurture, and family norms. Professionals and parents were persuaded that scientific research would improve family-making by minimizing risks and maximizing safety. Adoption has been the subject of four major types of empirical research: field studies, outcome studies, nature-nurture studies, and psychopathology studies. </div>
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<span style="color: red;">Field studies</span> conducted in several states during the 1910s and 1920s were the first real empirical investigations of adoption in the United States. They aimed to gather basic statistical data on how many and what types of adoptions were occurring, drawing primarily on agency and court records. How many adoptions were there? At what age were children adopted? By whom? Who arranged adoptions? Field studies had two main purposes: to determine whether states’ regulatory requirements were adequate and to discover whether those requirements were being followed or ignored. Field studies did not contact families after adoption decrees were issued or follow up on children later in life, as outcome studies did. What they did was link child welfare and the promise of safety in the adoption process to policies promoting extensive regulation by professionals, agencies, and courts.<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Outcome studies</span> are a well-established research genre today, but early in the twentieth century, they were new. How did adopted children and adoptive families turn out five, ten, or twenty years after placement? By finding out what had happened to children and parents later in life, outcome studies offered a way to predict and control future adoptions by studying the results of adoptions arranged in the past.<br />
These studies defined outcomes in many different ways, but all tried to correlate “inputs”—such as child's sex, age at adoption, natal family background, and adopters' characteristics—with measures of child development, parental satisfaction, and success (or failure) later in life. They aimed to reveal which variables, in which combinations, produced which outcomes. Which family-making practices and kinship configurations had good results? Which had bad results? Outcome studies embodied the conviction that systematic research was essential to improving the results of future adoptions for children and families.<br />
The first major outcome study was conducted by Sophie van Senden Theis and the New York State Charities Aid Association. <em>How Foster Children Turn Out</em>, published in 1924, followed up on the cases of 910 children placed between 1898 and 1922. <br />
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Nature-nurture studies utilized adoption data to answer basic scientific questions about how and why human beings turn out as they do and where individual differences originate. <br />
Because non-relative adoptions separated parental genes (nature) from family environment (nurture), adoption amounted to the sort of scientific experiment that could not otherwise be ethically conducted with human beings. Nature-nurture studies were designed by developmental psychologists and other researchers in the human sciences to reveal the relative power of heredity and home in intellectual and psychological development. In this sense, nature-nurture studies are different than field studies and outcome studies, which were conducted mainly by social work researchers interested in using empirical data to refine future adoption practice and policy. But like these other kinds of adoption studies, nature-nurture science reinforced the belief that producing knowledge and protecting children were mutually reinforcing.<br />
Researchers whose initial interest in adoption was abstract and theoretical often found themselves confronting very practical questions from parents and professionals. Did nature-nurture science support or contradict the placement of newborns and infants in adoptive homes? Should children with shameful or unknown natal backgrounds be placed for adoption? What did nature-nurture studies suggest about matching children and adults?<br />
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Does adoption jeopardize the mental and emotional health of children, making adoptees especially vulnerable to developmental, behavioral, and academic problems? Most people connected to adoption today think it does. Most Americans agree that adoption is a “risk factor,” according to public opinion polls.<br />
The belief that adoption has a psychology of its own is recent, indebted to a tradition of controversial clinical studies linking adoption to psychopathology. Beginning around World War II, some mental health professionals, often influenced by psychoanalysis, proposed that the losses associated with adoption made normal development tricky for adopted children and stability difficult to achieve for adoptive families. The new worries about adoption generated by psychopathology studies added to already well established concerns that available children were feeble-minded and adoption unusually risky.<br />
Psychopathology studies equated difference with damage. They helped to transform adoption into a full-fledged object of casework and counseling, and this was essential for the emergence of therapeutic adoption. The rapid spread of post-adoption services, non-existent in 1950, indicates that many parents and professionals now accept the need for long-term, perhaps permanent, help in order to avoid or manage adoption-related problems. <br />
Awareness that the parties to adoption face unique psychological challenges may well be one of the things that makes twentieth-century adoption practices historically distinctive—as distinctive as the psychology of adoption itself.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-63311738147940834872011-09-03T17:41:00.000-07:002012-04-13T08:27:32.053-07:00Why Most Adoptees Are Not ReligiousClosed adoptees all suffer the same thing...the lack of not knowing who they are or knowing another genetic relative. This causes similar thoughts that they are not from this earth. That they are somehow alien-hybrids. It causes great trauma and is a profoundly painful experience to not look like anyone you know.<br />
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Genealogical bewilderment is confusion and uncertainty regarding genealogical continuity, tied to the lack of knowledge about one’s ancestors. Accordingly, the lack of ‘‘biological mutuality’’ among adoptive family members, such as shared biologically based characteristics regarding appearance, intellectual skills, personality traits, and so forth, impedes the adoptee’s ability to identify with adoptive parents. Moreover, the lack of information about one’s biological background is likely to create a ‘‘hereditary ghost’’ which may contribute to a confused, unstable, and distorted sense of self. Self development does not have closure in adolescence, especially among adoptees, but continues to evolve over the lifespan through reconciliation and integration of many complex perceptions, cognitive systems, and self-object representations. Adoption loss comes in "waves" and the full magnitude does not hit until adulthood.<br />
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The overwhelming majority of adoptees are atheist, agnostic or deistey and this is greatly different from the average American population of 24%. (it is been pointed out that people who identify as Catholic, Baptist ect may not be active in the religion or belive all of its teachings) One reason is the bad adoption practices of the middle 20th century by religious agencies. Religion itself pressured unwed women into surrendering their children. Having to rethink everything you were taught may contribute.<br />
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Adoptees have been removed from one possible timeline and placed into another. Most adoptees have a lifelong view into a parallel universe in which they weren't surrendered. It is like existing in two different timelines. Two different families. One theory sometimes called the sixth sense, is that there are two sub consciousnesses. This theory conjectures that two realities exist – a physical one and a second one. The theory claims that a sixth sense can occur when there is integration between both realities. Adoptees studied view the passage of time differently and are able to peel back the layers of what is real and what is not.<br />
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Studies differ as to the actual existence of this adoptee sixth sense. Daryl Bem, an emeritus social psychology professor at Cornell University, did nine experiments with over 1000 participants. Bem had a computer program hide images either on the right or the left side of the screen. When erotic images were shown, participants got it right 53% of the time. The researcher could not explain why extrasensory perception tended to work more with erotic images than other kinds of images. One theory is that somehow humans evolved in an attempt to survive and reproduce an ability to sense things out of the three dimensions in which we exist. Primal reasons for this are encoded deep within our DNA. Scientists conclude that time may not flow evenly in one direction. We are just scratching the surface of how the brain works.<br />
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Knowledge of and definite relationship to his genealogy is necessary for a child to build up his complete body image and world picture. It is an inalienable and entitled right of every person. There is an urge, a call, in everybody to follow and fulfill the tradition of his family, race, nation, and the religious community into which he was born. The loss of this tradition is a deprivation of self.<br />
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Stephen Hawking compared religion and science in 2010, saying: "There is a fundamental difference between religion, which is based on authority [imposed dogma, faith], [as opposed to] science, which is based on observation and reason. Science will win because it works." <br />
Whatever you believe is fine. Be sure to question everything and don't believe what you want to believe. Look only at the facts.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-81692739352617175022011-08-10T13:57:00.002-07:002012-04-11T06:57:16.744-07:00The Right Reasons To Adopt<span style="color: red;">1. You plan to tell the child she is adopted<br />
2. You will always treat this child as well as your bio children (if applicable)<br />
3. You agree to an open adoption and intend to honor that agreement and obtain their OBC for them<br />
4. You allow your children to seek out their birth families and support them understanding it isn't a loyalty or love issue and not mere curiosity. It is a search for the missing parts of yourself.<br />
5. Address that you can't "love" their loss away and make the issue of adoption something that is OK to talk about.<br />
6. Understand their heritage is not your heritage. Most adoptees take a mix of both to build their id's with.<br />
7. You love kids and love being a mom/dad and would honestly risk your life to protect them just like if they were born to you.<br />
8. Understand there is a stigma surrounding adoption from horrible practices of the past. Others will question your family bonds and judge you for being infertile. Adoptees are viewed as less adjusted.<br />
9. Honor the Birthmother always and don't tell the whole world your kid is adopted unless you are asked.<br />
10. When you go to the doctor remember their medical history is not your medical history</span><br />
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Adoption should be about finding homes for kids that need it and not creating orphans to give to childless couples. I am against embryo adoption for this reason. I support adoption from foster care as long as birth family contact is understood and respected. Adoption should always be a last resort.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-6257229444369598672011-07-16T10:01:00.000-07:002011-07-16T10:37:05.863-07:00Why Closed Adoptions Should Be OutlawedI can find no reasoned, principled justification for closed adoption. Its only defense is that it has positive law on its side which is no defense at all. The laws continued to become more and more about the adoptive parent's needs and less about birth parents and their children. Shame, secrecy and being underage at the time kept these people from speaking out and now a whole generation of displaced people are organizing to put and end to it. <br />
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When the injustice of slavery was recognized, the "impossibility" of removing it from a culture dependent on its existence became morally irrelevant. The difficulty of accommodating millions of displaced slaves has no bearing on the justice of slavery, and the difficulty of the possibility of some of the children who may have otherwise been aborted ( there is no evidence that women have chosen an abortion because of lack of privacy) has no bearing on the justice of closed adoption. Appealing to the social cost of abolishing closed adoption does not justify the cruel act of closed adoption itself. <br />
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The National Council for Adoption (NCFA) points out that "there are many couples hoping to adopt for every one adoptable infant." Their studies show that one-third of all women, aged 18-44, have considered adopting, and their coverage of the dramatic rise in international adoptions is further evidence that the demand to adopt is well ahead of the number of infants available to be adopted. There are more than 1.2 million abortions performed each year in the United States. The NCFA also points out that roughly 98% of the unmarried women who give birth decide to parent their baby. Only 2% place for adoption. In 2002 there were 130,269 domestic adoptions in the United States. 175,000 domestic adoptions that took place in 1970. From 1970 to 1986, annual domestic adoptions decreased from 175,000 to 104,088. Abortion became legal and society evolved.<br />
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Closed adoption has been increasingly criticized in recent years as being unfair to both the adoptee and his or her birth parents. Some people believe that making the identities of a child's parents quite literally a "state secret" is a gross violation of human rights. The decision is up to the adoptive parents regarding how to inform the child that he or she has been adopted, and at what age to do so, if at all. Difficulties include the lack of a genetic medical history which could be important in disease prevention. Often, this was not given at the time of adoption, and the father's history is usually little known even to the mother.<br />
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For many years in New York State, adoptees had to obtain the permission of their adoptive parents (unless deceased) to be included in a state-sponsored reunion registry regardless of the age of the adoptee. In some cases, older adults or even senior citizens felt like they were being treated like children, and required to obtain their parents' signature on the form. In a broader sense, they felt it could be inferred that adopted children are always children, and thus second-class citizens subject to discrimination. The law has since been changed.<br />
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Another practice that has ceased because of cruelty is fostering until legally free. Prior to adoption, the infant would often be placed in temporary and state-mandated foster care for a few weeks to several months until the adoption was approved. This would also help ensure that he or she was healthy, that the birthparent was sure about relinquishment, and that nothing was overlooked at the time of birth. Nowadays, this practice is discouraged, as it prevents immediate bonding between the mother and child. Also, much better medical testing is available, both prenatally and postnatally. Many children suffered from bonding issues and orphanage type behavior such as rocking, head banging and hand flapping.<br />
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The trend in adoption policy and practice in the U.S. and most other nations during the last few decades has been toward less secrecy, more honesty and greater openness. Adoptive parents are routinely prepared to share the fact of their child’s adoption at an early age and to make discussion of adoption part of their family’s natural communication. It is rare for parents today not to tell their children they are adopted or to try to hide this reality from others – and it is considered bad practice, with negative repercussions for those involved.<br />
Closed adoptions also have become much less common in infant adoptions in our country, birthparents and adoptive parents most often meet each other, and many maintain some level of contact . With social media a fast-growing number of adopted adults and birthparents are able to successfully gain information about each other without access to adoption records. Modern adoption practice, with its emphasis on openness, honesty and family connections should be the only legally allowed form of adoption. Closed adoption has undermined the institution itself. It has caused pain for adult adoptees and their descendants and should be stopped forever.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2772229968688690880.post-50246139150939717122011-07-12T09:39:00.000-07:002011-07-12T09:39:09.836-07:00Adoption Vs AbortionWhether or not you are pro choice or pro life, adoption always comes into the issue. Adoption is not a means of birth control and for those who say adoption is better should be aware that it causes negative effects to the child and the birth mother. Abortion also causes grief for the mother and death for the fetus in a beginning stage of life. Birth control and sex education in young people is the only tool in stopping unwanted pregnancy. Obviously teaching your children to wait until marriage is a great idea, but in today's society it is not effective.<br />
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Adoption is a lose-lose situation except for the hopeful adoptive parents. Infertility is one of the main reason for adopting and adoptive parents aren't always told adopting a child is not the same as having your own. Adoption removes a child from one family and places him in another and this can have lasting emotional effects. Adopted children have needs above and beyond biological children. It can be profoundly painful to the adoptee and to their descendants.<br />
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These effects include :<br />
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1. The trauma of being separated from at birth will be present throughout every aspect of child's life. The child will experience the mother's loss as the psychological death of his mother. This is a life long trauma. The brain reacts to stress in the womb and after birth and wires itself differently as the baby grows. This knowledge is recent as only now are we starting to study the effects of stress during infancy.<br />
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2. The child will think about his birth parents everyday. This is true with knowing the parents and without in open and closed adoptions. When the child is asked who she looks like, what time she was born or who was there at the delivery room...all these questions cause the child to realize that she is different. There is a shame and stigma from past adoption practices in history that all members of the adoption " triad" must deal with.<br />
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3. As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage. He will not know who is supposed to be because he will not know his true origins if the adoption is closed or semi open. Not knowing another biological relative makes one feel like a misfit. The first relative most adoptees meet is their own child. The birth of a child in an adoptees life always brings the question..."how could I give this baby away"?<br />
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4. As current laws stand, the child may not have access to his medical history or birth records. This is being fought by adoptee rights groups and laws are slowly changing. Adoptees even well into adulthood are denied the basic human right of knowing who put them here and why.<br />
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Women who have given away children usually have great difficulties in getting on with their lives and endure psychological problems stemming from the separation including: grief, relationship difficulties, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and secondary infertility.Contrary to popular belief these women don't go on with their lives like nothing ever happened. The same thing can be said for women who have abortions. <br />
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So you see it is not an easy decision. Being poor, unwed, young or not having adequate resources to raise a child should not be a reason to abort or surrender. There is help out there for women to keep their babies and keep families intact. Guardianship, kinship placement or third party help should be explored with infant adoption as a last resort. If adoption is the choice, the adoption should be open which research finds is in the best interest of the mother and child.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0